


I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You

by Finn4



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn4/pseuds/Finn4
Summary: Finnick has adapted to his share of suffering at the hands of the Capitol. But when he is forced to mentor a new victor, his allegiance...and sanity...are tested.
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Finnick Odair
Comments: 20
Kudos: 48





	1. I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love You

**Author's Note:**

> *been a hot minute, but with a re-read I have been looking for some creative outlets! Let me know what you think and if we should keep going down this path...feedback appreciated!!*

1

Finnick slunk into the too-hot tub. His teeth clenched as his feet hit the water, and as he continued to fall deeper into the bath his body tightened inch by inch as it was exposed to water that threatened to blister his skin. He closed his eyes, not watching as his form turned red. He felt his breath hitch as he inhaled sharply through his nose. Then it started. The all too familiar tingle and cooling sensation that slowly took over his body. He fought against it for a second and then let it engulf him. Going as far as to slip so deeply in to the water that his whole face was submerged. His hair floated in the water around him. Small bubbles escaped from his nostrils. Years in the ocean had allowed him the ability to hold his breath for longer than most and he savored it. The rushing water in his ears was almost enough to remove him from his prison and thrust him back into the sea. Surrounded by the blue of water and sky.

Almost.

He emerged from the water with a slight heave and gently pressed his back against the black marble of the large square tub. He inhaled slowly and allowed his eyes to flutter open on the exhale. He watched the water do it’s magic. The bruising...gone. The small cuts and scrapes that adorned his biceps and hips slowly began to heal before his eyes. His flesh turned from violent red and purple to a glossy tan than nearly sparkled under the water. The Capitol could work whatever magic they needed to make things appear and disappear. 

But they couldn’t clear his mind.

He could still see her. Feel her. Smell her. Hear her.

“Finnick, please no...”  
“Finnick, stop...”  
“Please don’t do this...Finnick, it’s me...”

And with every hesitation his body suffered. But he refused to let hers. Not at their hands anyway. But he had hurt her. Unforgivingly and brutally. 

“I had to....”

He whispered under his breath. His words meant for her, though he knew she couldn’t hear them. He whispered them over and over to himself. Realizing that at some point they stopped being for her and started being for him.

If he was going to convince her that he has no other choice but to do what he did to her...

He would have to convince himself first.


	2. 2

2

Morning came too soon, as it always did. Dreams of home were replaced with nightmares of the arena, and now? Just dark. Which was a blessing. Sleep had become the only respite. But it was always cut short. Finnick allowed himself the luxury of waking slowly. His eyes taking their time to pull focus. His breath slowly rising and falling. His long form stretching slowly beneath the heavy blanket. 

What would today bring?

He dressed, emotionless. Covering his clean and naked form with the loose, cream colored fabrics that had been set out for him. He washed his face, ran his fingers through his hair, and very intentionally avoided his own reflection in the mirror. He didn’t want to see himself as she had.

He slid into a pair of shoes and made his way down the hall, his fingers lazily and mindlessly tracing alongside him as he did, his eyes lost in the patterns of expensive carpet beneath his feet, the flowery Capitol trappings around him being lost entirely on his broken frame and mood. 

But. In true Finnick fashion, once the doors to the dining room opened, he wore his flashy grin like a mask. Quickly entering the room and grabbing a glass from the only Avox he trusted. And without thinking, he took two. Several Capitol darlings caressed his cheek or arm as he flew by them but he was a man on a mission. He smiled and winked, sure, but his sights were fixed.

There, across the room, a small black figure lost on a large red sofa...hanging still in the swirl of color and activity...was Katniss. 

Her signature braid falling along her shoulder was the only thing that remained true. Her slinky black shirt and pants were a match to Finnick’s cream colored outfit. And the irony that they were literally matching chess pieces was not lost on him. Her eyes fluttered up to meet his and in that moment his sure footing hiccuped. A lump grew in his chest and his jaw clenched. Her expressionless face. Her eyes, still blinking a mile a minute to hold back water, stared at him emotionless. Not the vitriol with which she had met him. Not the appreciation that grew as he fought to save her and Peeta. Not the trust of the best friend he had come to know. 

Nothing. Blank. Lost as he was. But not nearly as adept at faking it. 

Finnick noticed immediately that one of her shaky hands was clasped around her knee, but the other held a tall champagne glass that was mercifully full. He picked up speed and moved directly toward her, sitting his glass down and swiftly, like a bird of prey, snatching her glass and replacing it with the one he had taken as he entered the room. He gulped hard before grabbing his own flute back, suddenly aware of the giggling encircling them. He smiled again, not as sure as he usually could muster, but a smile none the less...and then he kneeled in front of her. Very deliberately and carefully. Kneeled...submissively. He moved in only a fraction of space to whisper undetected.

“Don’t ever drink anything they give you. Ever.”

He hissed silently and although she didn’t respond, her eyes trailed from his face to the glass he brought her and as they did, Finnick clinked it with his own, smiling again as she raised her head to meet him. 

Still expressionless.

Finnick studied her face slowly. His eyes fell on her lower lip. It was swollen. Unnoticeable to most and covered with gloss, but swollen and red. 

Bitten. 

He furrowed his brow as he let his confused eyes and mind wander: small red marks that hadn’t been covered or treated created a small map around and across her neck. A thumb print by her ear. Bruising along her exposed collarbone. Finnick’s ears began to ring and he felt as though he might pass out. He failed to come up with sound but his lips moved as though he wanted to speak.

“Ahhhh, Mr. Odair.”

The smooth sound of Snow’s voice wafted over his shoulder and hit them both, an immediate tension filled their skin. Instinctively, Finnick stood. As much out of respect as to put himself directly between the President and the Mockingjay. He turned slowly and gently sat his glass down, lowering his eyes slightly but putting his hands protectively behind his back...signaling Katniss not to move. 

“It was a long night. You look well.”

Do I? Finnick thought as he clenched his teeth and feigned a smile. 

“I do my best.” He offered, unsure of what to say.

“Yes, yes you do.” Snow smiled slightly in return before allowing his gaze to move from Finnick and fall over Katniss, who suddenly showed a glimmer of the strength that had been missing. Despite Finnick’s gesture that she not move, she stood beside him, straightening out, almost proudly displaying her wounds. Snow hissed under his breath before clicking his tongue in disapproval.

“Ahhh yes. You know, we do so hate to have such vulgar displays of violence paraded here amongst the elite. That type of behavior has a place. In the districts, among the poor. But here, we do what we can to...remove it.”

As Snow continued to talk softly, Finnick became aware of two things: the adoring crowd was slowly disappearing and Katniss was slowly closing the space between them. 

“We wanted Miss Everdeen to remember the pain of last night. To let it leave a lasting impression...much like those wonderful films you made. What did we call them? Propaganda?”

Finnick’s heart was pounding. He had been in tight spots with Snow before. But his secrets had remained his ace in the hole, and now even those had been laid bare.

And they were both paying for it.

“I trust that in the next few days and weeks you will more than make up for your missteps with the Capitol. Last night was a good start. Boy.”

Snow sneered as he walked away. Finnick pinched back the flashing images of the night before. Being caught. Drug. Forced not only to watch someone he loved get hurt...but for the first time, to do it himself. He clenched his fists so hard as Snow left them that he thought he might break the skin.

And then he felt it. 

Her tiny, shaking, cold hand closed hesitantly over his. And he looked down at it, unable to open his fist and reciprocate. He stared at her hand on his. The rough and red knuckles where she had managed to land a few punches. The scratches. He let his eyes trail up to her face to find hers already looking back at him.

“Katniss...I...” he started before he knew how to finish.

“I know.” She interrupted. And then she mouthed the same phrase wordlessly again.

They locked eyes for a moment before Finnick noticed his trusted Avox friend motioning for him near the same door he had entered. He nodded in her direction and slowly walked towards her with Katniss in tow.

He tried to avoid looking at the people around him, ignoring their banter, but wielding his trademark grin. Could they not know? What they had done? Were doing? Would have to do?

Finnick didn’t know what the next step would be, but he knew if they wanted to survive it, then had to move fast.


	3. 3

3

Finnick ushered Katniss silently down the hall, trailing closely behind the young Avox in front of them. Finnick didn’t know her name. But since he was brought here the first time time, she had been a constant presence. They shared a silent, mutual respect and trust. She had helped him out of binds and he had done the same for her. One time even taking a beating for supplying him with medicine even after the Capitol bourgeoisie requested he suffer. 

Which was a risk she was about to take again. 

As they reached his chambers, she opened the door and just as Finnick slipped past her, her hand opened and slipped the tiniest blue vial into his palm. He closed his fingers around it as he looked to her: raising his empty hand to cup her cheek and silently thank her. She smiled gently, her closed mouth trembling but sure.

She glanced at Katniss confidently before slowly raising her arm...her three fingers closed together and raised in salute to the trembling victor. Katniss mouthed a thank you, even if she was still unsure what she was thankful for.

Finnick glanced up and down the hallway, watching the Avox scuttle off and sure no one else was looking. The other solid this particular friend has done for Finnick is to work a few favors to have the cameras in his room rigged with alternate footage so that the prying eyes of the Capitol have no place in his room.

He shut and locked the door quickly, feeling Katniss slip in behind him, mirroring his turn. He slipped the lock gingerly into the door frame and then opened his palm. 

“What is it?” Katniss asked over his shoulder, peering to try to get a closer look. Finnick cheated over his shoulder, a half smile as he fought not to look her in the eyes. He closed his palm against it, and took a deep breath as he turned to her.

“Medicine. It will help...” Finnick’s voice trailed off as he looked over Katniss’ neck and wounds. Her eyes lowered to the vial and took in the shimmer of Capitol magic. This was no herbal medicine that her own mother may have used. Finnick’s eyes lowered to it as well and he rolled it slightly in his hand. He kept his eyes locked on it as he spoke.

“I usually fill a tub. Pour the whole thing in. I’ll be able to get you more.”

Usually. The words filled Katniss’ head and swam there. Usually.

“How often, Finnick?” Katniss’ voice was low and ambiguous, but it’s tone hurt them both. Finnick inhaled sharply, trying to answer her honestly and fill the uneasy silence. He raised his eyes to her with sheer determination and a clenched jaw that ached as he spoke over his teeth.

“Katniss, I promise you I will do everything I can to keep this from happening to you...I promise I’ll try....”

“No, Finnick...”, she interrupted and met his steel gaze, “not to me.”

Her voice broke and for the first time in her presence, Finnick felt small. Afraid. Ashamed. His eyes wandered from side to side, bouncing around like they were scrambling to find an answer. He wanted to be honest. To bare his awful secret. To warn her about what might await her. To tell...someone. He let his eyes meet hers, if only for a moment and then plastered his trademark grin on his face. He held up the vial and shook it. 

“I’ll run you a bath. There are robes over in the dresser. Towels.”

Finnick slipped past her and into the bathroom. Katniss watched him disappear and shivered as she tried to imagine what his life post-Games had looked liked. She also allowed herself for a moment to think briefly about the Finnick she had seen last night. The performance. She knew it was just that. He was hurting her to save her. His green eyes couldn’t betray him even if his body had to. The way he squeezed her hand even as the rest of his body thrust a pain into her that she couldn’t imagine.

Katniss grabbed a robe and ran her fingers over it. She pulled the soft fabric to her mouth and inhaled deeply. Finnick. His scent still brought her comfort and not fear. She was relieved by that and inhaled deeply several times before turning to walk towards the bathroom, the steam already billowing out of the door. She stood still awhile, eyeing Finnick through the tiny open slit of the door. He was squatting neatly by the running water, his hands under it, his eyes closed, his head tilted slightly. He had removed his shirt and it lay in a pool next to him as the water rose quickly up over his arms. She entered the doorway, leaning on the door jamb and cleared her throat. Finnick’s eyes opened as his head turned to face her. A slight small grin curved just the corner of his mouth. 

“The water is hot. It will hurt...but...it helps.”

He realized the powerful irony of his words as they slipped out and he stood before Katniss, next to the flooding tub. He turned his back respectfully as he emptied the vial into the running water, causing it to pop, sizzle and fizz. It also emit a lovely smell that Katniss inhaled deeply and almost instantly soothes her with a slight relief. With Finnick’s back to her, Katniss undressed...slipping her gauzy black shirt and pants off. She clutched the robe tightly, holding it against her stomach. She didn’t dress. 

“Ok.” She whispered lowly. Finnick turned a half turn and then stopped when he realized her naked form uncovered.

“It’s ok.” Again her voice was low. Cool. Slowly paced and gentle.

Finnick allowed himself to turn to face her and while his eyes started at the clump of cotton robe that masked her stomach and thighs, he took in the rest of her cautiously, careful to remain as small of a threat to her a is possible in their circumstance. Her knees were purple. Almost black. And bleeding in several spots. As were her elbows. Her hips were each marked with bruises that corresponded directly to his own handprints. Her chest covered in bites. His bites. One long red burn which was the only wound on her he couldn’t take credit for.

“Katniss...”he whispered. His voice almost a cry. Was she punishing him? Making sure he saw every wound?

Without knowing exactly why but unable to hold back the choking sob in her own throat, Katniss walked towards him and the shaking in her arms and hands caused her to accidentally drop the robe, leaving her totally exposed to Finnick. Upon seeing her, his eyes glassed over and his shoulders sank. 

Katniss looked down over her own lower body and realized it, too, even before she saw that the white billowy robe was stained. She gasped lowly. Gutterally. As her hands instinctively covered her most vulnerable space, which...not to her surprise...was where she was bleeding.

Almost in horror, and feeling like a child, she raised her eyes to meet his. And without warning they begin to betray her and leak. She watched his mouth try to form words, but in this moment...his cool and calm is shattered. He is as broken as she is. He searched for a moment or two, mouth open, but words wouldn’t come. She rescued them both the only way she could think to.

“It’s ok.” Her voice is firm even as the tears stream her hot pink cheeks, “it was...my....I’ve never....”

Finnick knows what she is fighting to tell him. He knew the night before. He had always known. In the way she handled herself with him. With Peeta. But especially in the way she handled herself last night. He knew.

“I’m glad it was you, Finnick.”

Her words wash over him. A kind of relief he didn’t expect, or deserve, that carries the baggage neither of them truly understand yet. 

“I’m glad it was you.” She nodded slightly. Still crying. Still trembling. A tear slipped out of the corner of Finnick’s eye and he pressed it away immediately. Instead he closed the space and wrapped her like a blanket in his own body. Desperate to use it for something other than pain. Letting her muffled sobs pour into his chest as he whispered how sorry he was into her hair. Sorry for what he’d done to be sure, but sorry for all of it. And what is yet to come. 

As she cried, he gently lifted her into his arms, cradling her, her face still buried in his chest and arms clinging to his neck. Still half dressed in his pants he stepped into the enormous tub and slid gently down into it, lowering them both into the water. So lost in her emptiness, Katniss only barely reacted as the water stung and immediately healed her wounds. Finnick lay down, holding her gently, until she fell asleep in the water. His voice still whispering apologies even long after she slept, and he allowed himself to cry for her.


	4. 4

4

“PEETA! WHERE IS HE?! PEETA!? PLEASE!!”

Katniss’ screams filled the halls and echoed off every empty metallic surface. Her helpless legs trailed behind her, dragging the floor with her bare toes. Only a hospital gown covered any other part of her and the back hung open and flapped freely as she was flung helplessly between two Peacekeepers who ignored her cries. 

Her eyes still fought to focus, her body weak from the shock. Her head still pounding and the only thing she could remember was the sky cracking as they disarmed the arena. Were they rescued? Did it work? Where was everyone else?

Her throat stung from screaming and eventually they devolved into cries and sobs, so guttural that drool hung from her lower lip. Soon the metal walls gave way   
to a metallic commons of sorts, where several other hallways started. Shooting off of the main area like the legs of a spider. And now, they were in the belly of it. As Katniss fought to regain footing and consciousness she could hear screams filling the other halls. Echoing and crazed. She strained to recognize their voices. She blinked hard focusing on their entrances. She saw another body. Small and fragile, draped in a gown like hers being dragged from one hall and practically thrown down another. But she couldn’t tell who it was. 

“FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS!”

It was Joanna. Katniss whispered her name knowing she would never hear her.

“PEETA!!”

She screamed for him again, hoping he may be closer now, but her voice just met and blended with the other screams and she decided her energies were better spent deciphering them. And then she heard him. Not Peeta, but a familiar voice whose desperate shrieks were so loud they billowed up over the other panic.

“ANNIE!! ANNIE?!”

His voice was frantic and Katniss called out for him. Hoping somehow if would help.

“FINNICK!! I’m here!”

She heard him pause.

“IT’S KATNISS! I’M HERE!”

“KATNISS, ARE YOU ALRIGHT??” As he called to her, her eyes finally focused on him. Long enough to watch one of the large Peacekeepers carrying him knee him in the groin, effectively knocking the wind out of him and silencing his cries for her all at once.

FINNICK...

She tried to call to him but her screams came as a pained whisper now. She was being tossed around so carelessly that she was disoriented enough to lose track of where he was. And before long, as her head started to pain again with so much dizziness she thought she might vomit, she was thrown into the ground. She spun, trying to clear her head enough to fight back. She heard muffled voices. One of the Peacekeepers rounded her and pulled at the nape of her neck, roughly removing her hospital gown and leaving her completely exposed, in the center of the room on the cold, hard floor. 

The room was dark but full of people she couldn’t see. She pulled herself into fetal position trying to cover what parts of her form she could manage. As she tried desperately she was all but knocked back into the hard ground as something was flung at her. Not at her. On her. It hurt her pounding head so badly that she couldn’t register what was happening or who it was...but it was the equally naked body of Finnick Odair. The only difference was he had seemed to fair his journey better than she had, as he tried more than once to regain his footing and fight his way from the space in the middle of the room. Finally a Peackeeper’s elbow caught Finnick’s jaw and spun him around. He landed squarely on all fours, spitting blood as he landed. 

“Finnick....” Katniss called to him and crept towards him, placing her hands on his shoulders. For just a few seconds it was quiet. Quiet enough that they met each other’s glance.

“Peeta? Joanna? Where is everyone? Where are we?”

Katniss was breathless and desperate. Finnick shook his head, wiping the blood from his mouth as he apologized to her for not knowing more. For not saving her. That something went wrong.

“Enough.”

The voice cut through their reunion and stilled them both. 

President Snow. 

He was behind Finnick somewhere in the crowd and his voice echoed through the chamber as if that’s what it was built to do. Amplify him.

“My friends we are here today to see just what happens when our esteemed victors become drunk with power and threaten with every fiber of their very beings, to undo the peaceful growth of Panem. We will remind them today that we...all of us...will simply not accept their callous actions. We will set examples for all victors, past and present, to remind them exactly what their places in these games are to be, and are to remain.”

Finnick’s jaw clenched as he spoke, so hard he thought he might break his teeth. Katniss had begun to scurry under his frame and he instinctively covered her. From one of the tunnels came a silvery splinter of light and the sound of what could only be described as horse hooves. Loud. Giant. The ground shook.

The darkened crowd became hushed and parted slightly to make a path. Finnick and Katniss watched in horror as a strange Capitol mutt that could only be described as part human, part horse, and part bear made its way to the center of the room. Finnick placed himself between the creature and Katniss who stiffened behind him, trying to gather courage although being rendered naked and helpless was not sitting as well with her as it did with Finnick. He had an experience she lacked.

The four peacekeepers that drug them into this new arena reappeared. Finnick was pulled back and stunned, his body hanging limp as he winced at the pain. Katniss was pushed back into the ground, her legs forced open. She wailed and Finnick matched it. When she tried to move to safety one of the Peacekeepers prodded her across the chest with what looked like a brand. It’s seering hot metal leaving a long, blistering red line between her breasts. She screamed and fell back towards the floor. 

Finnick regained his strength and turned, desperately searching the crowd for Snow. It was then he noticed the other spectators were masked. It unnerved him but also made the unmasked president easier to find. They locked eyes and Snow smirked at the younger boy in a way that made his flesh crawl.

“Don’t do this.”

Finnick pleaded. He didn’t know why Snow might honor his request, and he shuddered to think of what it might cost, but he had to try. Unexpectedly, Snow inched through the crowd towards Finnick, his eyes scanning his naked form.

“I’m not going to do it. He is...” Snow gestured towards the mutt, who had already begun descending on Katniss as the crowd stirred uneasily. He was positioning himself between her fighting legs, but she had enough strength to at least make it difficult. “He is....or you are.”

Finnick took his eyes off Katniss, unsure of what he heard...and more than that, what it meant.

“You’ll take her Finnick. And not in the pleasant way you’d probably like to. But the way that mutt wants to right now. You’ll make her pay for what she has done.”

Finnick shook his head trying to get the words to fall from his mind. No. He whispered the small word several times. 

“Alright then.” Snow immediately reacted with a swirl of his hand in the air which immediately elicited an inhuman cry from Katniss. Finnick turned in time to see the creature run a jagged paw between her breasts. Drawing blood from her burn.

Finnick swallowed hard. He turned to Snow. 

“Please.”

He begged. And Snow smiled. 

“Please? Would it be Peeta then? Annie perhaps. Who would you have take her place. Or yours?”

Finnick stared at him for what felt like hours. 

“Finnick....” he heard Katniss’ breathless voice calling to him for help. And then something more disturbing. Like a deranged jabberjay, the crowd slowly began to mimic her voice...whispering his name into the air. Begging him to do what? Help her? Save her? Fuck her? It didn’t stop. Snow’s smirk gave way to a smile. He raised his eyebrow and nodded in the direction of Katniss.

“Give the people what you want. It’s why you are still alive. It’s why you’re all still alive.”

The muttation behind him growled low and long. Something sexual he couldn’t place and didn’t want to. He spun from Snow and swallowed hard as he set his mind to what he had to do. As soon as Finnick approached, the peacekeepers called the mutt off, subduing it as they pushed it back into an empty hall. Finnick stood in its place and the crowd cheered. He closed his eyes if only for a second, sure of what he knew he needed to do. He was sure that if that mutt were allowed his way with Katniss she wouldn’t survive it. 

The crowd was quieter now but several masked voices, mostly female, still chanted his name.

Katniss writhed in pain on the floor, her hands pressed into her now bleeding burn. 

“Finnick, please....”

She was pleading for help, unsure of what he could even do but glad for his presence. Until she saw something cold in his eyes that she hadn’t seen before. And it frightened her.

“Finnick?” She whispered, which drew slight giggles from the crowd. 

Finnick took a few steps towards her and again closed his eyes. He sunk into the space he reserved for all of the nights with Capitol escorts who used and abused him freely. He had kept that part of his mind boxed off. It kept him sane. And he had to return there now, only he was going to drag her down with him. He heard her fragile voice calling to him even as he stood over her body, using his bare feet to spread her legs, which she immediately tried to undo. 

Finnick dropped to his knees and pinned her legs apart with them, watching as her eyes grew large and dark.

“Finnick, no...don’t do this....”

Her voice continued to call to him but he ignored her now. He was gone. Or trying to be. He had to. He couldn’t perform the way they needed him to if not. And that could spell the end of everything.

Finnick reached between his own legs and began to pull and tug and maneuver his hand around himself until he was hard enough to enter her. He slammed his eyes closed. To the lusty whispers surrounding him, to what the day had already brought them both, and most especially to the form of one of his best friends now trembling beneath him, more afraid of him than any muttation.

“Finnick, please....look at me....”

She was crying for him now. Finnick allowed himself to fall over her, using his free hand to take both of her small wrists in his and pin them roughly over her head. He snarled at her as the position of his body let his cock fall between her shaking thighs. She whispered his name again, now just a breath away from his face.

Finnick allowed his eyes to open. Their sea green glow meeting her coal grey eyes, tears seeping from their corners. She pursed her lips, unsure what to say. His face remained cool as he tightened his fist against her wrists. His knees forced her legs to spread. 

“Take her!” Someone shouted. It shook them both. 

“Finnick, please....”

His green eyes betrayed him as she watched them fill with sadness before becoming hollow. He leaned in and just before snagging her bottom lip in his teeth and pulling on it til it bled, and he whispered carefully....so as to go undetected.

“I’m so sorry.”

And before she could respond he had slammed the entirety of himself up inside her belly, filling her. Tearing her. He moaned gutturally and flung his head back as he began pounding her against the cold dark floor. Her body shook beneath him. She closed her eyes to the pain, the tearing, the ache in her stomach. She tried to remember the warmth of the sand in her hands as she watched him smiling on the beach, assuring her that he would always take care of her.


	5. 5

5

Katniss woke drowsy from a deep and dark sleep, and reveled in it as soon as she was conscious. She pulled her muscles taught, stretching long under the heavy blanket. She was immediately taken by the fact that nothing hurt. Nothing was sore, nothing rubbed raw against the cool sheets. Her bath had worked it’s magic.

Her bath.

It was the last thing she remembered. Gently easing into the water, allowing herself a good, healthy cry. But how did she get out? How did she get here? She let her arms trail the sides of her body to feel it covered with a thin shirt, that hung loose and long on her frame. She curled her fingers in it’s soft fabric and for the first time since waking inhaled deeply enough to realize everything surrounding her smelled like Finnick. The salty gentle smell she was always sure came from his hair products. She smiled at the thought, turning her head into the pillow to inhale once more.

As she turned her eyes opened towards the sunlight streaming easily through the large window to her left. It’s gauzy curtains blew in a breeze that gave her a chill but she didn’t mind it. She saw Finnick sitting in the window. His bare feet crossed up on the ledge, his back towards her. Hair wet. She studied him. Finnick when no one was watching was something to behold. She noticed his hands busily working in his lap, mindlessly tying knots into a length to rope...skillfully adding new styles as he filled the rope’s entirety. Something about her gaze must have alerted him and he hitched his view over his shoulder to look at her.

“Morning.” He smiled with just the corner of his closed mouth before opening it to speak. She greeted him with the same. He stood slowly and walked towards her, grabbing a basket from a table as he did. 

“May I?” He asked from the foot of the bed, gesturing that he may like to sit there. At her feet. And only with permission. Finnick knew the trauma he had put her through having been there himself. So he was pretty adept at altering his behavior to put her most at ease.

“It’s your bed.” Katniss answered with some levity before prepping herself with her elbows to sit. She leaned forward and stretched her legs, her toes almost touching Finnick. Then sat her hands on her knees, noticing they didn’t hurt, as he opened the basket.

“Did I sleep a full day? Was it drugs?” Katniss suddenly realized she was looking at the next morning. What had she missed? How was it possible?

“No. You just needed it. You’re safe here. I’ve arranged it with Cinna and some...friends...” Finnick noticed Katniss relax at the mention of Cinna and he was glad for her. For them both.

“The nice thing about Snow having to pretend not to want to murder us with every one of his disgusting breaths is that we get some nice grub out of it...” Finnick smiled slightly as he spoke and was relieved when Katniss chuckled.

“Well, here is to dying well-fed.” She reached into the basket and pulled out a croissant that almost looked too good to eat. It was the first time she had felt even remotely hungry. Finnick was watching her eat. Which would have made her uneasy if she hadn’t been so famished.

There was a knock at the door. 

They both paused. Katniss much more alarmed than Finnick, who casually rose from the bed and walked to the door. He cracked the door just enough to peek at the visitor. The conversation seemed one sided so Katniss inferred it was Finnick’s Avox ally. She studied him even as he looked back at her, and noticed he took another small vial in his hand. He asked a few questions she couldn’t hear, smiled, raised his hand gently and then shut and locked the door gently. 

He fiddled with the bottle in his hand and it made Katniss bristle. More medicine? Would she be needing it so soon? Would he? She put the remaining bites of croissant back, suddenly losing her appetite. Finnick rolled the bottle in his hand and returned to his place, sitting on the bed. This time...closer to Katniss. He hunched over his open hands as the bottle lay exposed in them. Katniss noticed it was smaller. Black. Not like the vial he had been handed the day before.

“What is it?” Katniss asked the double edged question. Wondering just as much about the contents of the bottle and the contents of Finnick’s mind. She could tell he was trying to decide how to answer.

“Well?” She continued, pushing but gentle. Scared but desperate, “is it for you or...me?”

Finnick closed his hand around it and looked at her. He knew that if he was going to have to be responsible for keeping her safe even in these conditions, he was going to have to be an open book.

“It’s for you...” he slowly spoke, knowing that it would arouse several other questions. He set his mind on answering them before she had to ask.

“I wouldn’t need this one. I...there are different vials you have to take before. And then some that are for after. This is for you...after....”

Katniss arched her eyebrow.

“Wasn’t the bath for after?”

“Yes...”, Finnick answer dryly, “and so is this. Just precautionary. To make sure we don’t have any...accidents....” His voice began trailing off slightly, unsure how to finish the sentence but lucky enough to not have to. He could see that Katniss was on the same page. Finnick had been careful, as lost as he was in what he had to do, he was careful to not come inside of her. After all, a more graphic display is more...crowd pleasing. And while it probably degraded her, it was what he had to do. He kept reminding himself of that fact. He had to.

Katniss took the vial quickly from his hand and opened it into her own. Three tiny purple pills tumbled into her palm. Without hesitation she slapped her palm against her mouth, sending all of the pills directly into her throat. Finnick reached for the glass of water on the bedside table and handed it to her. She took it gratefully and emptied the glass. Parched. She passed the empty glass back to Finnick as she wiped her mouth. She didn’t want children. Especially not under these circumstances. She tried not to think about the fact that bearing Finnick’s children, however, did not appall her. She noticed that once again Finnick seems unable to look directly at her.

“Hey...”

She whispered slightly to him, and he turned still not looking right at her, his eyes wandering the floor next to the bed. She had plenty to say. That he doesn’t have to beat himself up over this. That she knows. That she is ok. But she didn’t know how to do that yet.

“So what happens next?”

She was disappointed in herself for the shallow question, although she was legitimately interested.

Finnick rubbed the square jawline that he clenched at the question, although he was equally relieved to have a softball question. 

“We wait. We work. We do as we are told. The Avox let me know that Peeta and Joanna are here. But they have been compromised. Haymitch will let us know when it’s safe. That’s all I know.”

Katniss took in his words. They work. And her mind mulled over the rest of his words. She struggled with herself before asking the next question that has been on her mind....

“And....Annie?” 

The mention of her name seemed to unsettle Finnick and he immediately fiddled with his fingers at the seam of his shirt. He inhaled sharply and finally looked her in the eye.

“She’s here. Somewhere.”

There is a long moment of silence between them. Their eyes stay locked on each other and there is something strange going unsaid for each of them. 

Katniss took his face in. Was she...jealous? Did she suddenly find herself uneasy thinking about Annie with what she’s done with Finnick? It was as if Finnick could read her mind because he seemed to answer her unspoken words.

“She doesn’t know. What I’ve done. What I’ve had to do. To keep her safe. I don’t want her to ever know.”

Finnick was quiet again, but still staring at Katniss. She took in his words, feeling a slight relief at first, and then a stinging realization. To keep her safe. Finnick did what he had to do to Katniss to keep Annie safe. She furrowed her brow as she tried to decipher how his words felt. For some reason it made her bitter. Angsty. But she couldn’t place it. She spoke before she should have and immediately regretted it.

“Well I am glad I could help you keep her safe.”

Her voice was full of spit and she closed her eyes with regret. Especially after seeing how the words landed on Finnick. Wounding him.

“Is that what you think I did?”

Katniss does not. She did not. But she said it and now she had to undo it. But how?

She pulled the cover back and stepped out of bed, walking towards the window and away from Finnick.

“You do the things you do, with the people they make you do them with, to keep her alive. I get it, I’d do it, too. I mean...I guess I’m about to do it, too, right?” Her back is to him but she can hear him stand and walk behind her.

“Turn around.”

He ordered her in a commanding voice that she hadn’t heard from him in awhile. She complied.

“That night was not about Annie. That was about me trying to get you...both of us...out of their alive. Do you understand that?”

Katniss nodded, but she could feel that her face and her posture was betraying her because there was something about the events of that night that still unsettled her. A long list, actually, but right now she was focused on Finnick’s motivations.

“If there had been any other way...Katniss, if there had been anything else. That mutt would have killed you. I didn’t know what else to do...”

Katniss realized that his voice is trailing off with sentence after sentence, his own mind and words trying to make sense of what he had done...whether he had to or not. And what’s worse is the longer he talks the louder it gets. He’s practically shouting at her now. She could feel her teeth clench, listening to him. And realizing that this anger was probably not directed at her, but right now...she was the recipient. The flood gates began to open for her, too.

“You did what you had to do. Stop playing the victim here. I get it. You had to. You had to do all of those things. To force me into my hands and knees. To choke me. To be...in my mouth...” Katniss covered her mouth even as she said the words.

Katniss began yelling a verbal assault realizing that this was a strange combination of making it worse and better at the same time. And she could tell it was breaking him. 

“Yes I had to!” He shouted, “I had to. I HAD TO. Me. It had to be me. And yes it had to be all the horrible things it was Katniss because that’s what they want. For us to suffer. To know our place. It had to be the worst things can imagine because that is what we are to them now. I know. Because it was me. It’s been me. Tied, forced, hurt, almost killed. And the only thing worse. The only thing I could have ever imagined being worse than all that...was having to do it to you.”

His voice alternated between a scream and a sob and suddenly he is the 14 year old victor from the 65th Hunger Games. Who has spent ten years living the nightmare Katniss had to live once. One time. And not with some horrible stranger who looked at her like meat. But with Finnick. She felt sick. Not just felt sick, but got sick. Without enough warning to make room, she vomited all over the luxurious Capitol carpet that adorned his room. Ruining it was, in that moment, the only thing that made her feel better. She was hunched over and doubling so hard that she didn’t realize he had run to her. With one fist he pulled her long, untied hair to the side. The other hand pressed firmly on her back, moving in slow circles. 

Katniss dry heaved a few more times and then placed her hand on Finnick’s thigh to steady herself as she stood. There was a dead, awful silence. A sharp contrast to the yelling they had just competed in. She was still breathing heavy and placed her arms on his biceps for support, squeezing them. He had his hands at her waist. And for a moment he was overcome with the urge to close the space between them. He quickly dismissed it. 

“I don’t know how to make it go away. To apologize enough.”

His voice was sad and tired but so very...real. More and more she was seeing this side of him, and as she learned about what his post-victory life had become...he made more and more sense to her. She reached up, unsure why, and cupped his cheek in her hand. Much in the way Finnick had expressed thanks to the Avox.

“I’m glad, Finnick.”, she whispered slowly and dripping with intention, hoping he would know how much she meant it, “I’m glad that it was you.”

Finnick felt his heart beat slow to a thump as he pressed into her hand slightly and she ran her thumb over his cheek. They both inched closer, not completely embracing but arms locked together in support. They were a team now, whether they liked it or not. 

A slight knock at the door gave way to a bright white envelope being slid beneath it. Katniss looked as Finnick kept his back to the door. His head sunk. He knew that the envelope would contain their plans for the evening. Which meant Haymitch only had a few hours to get to them before he would have to send Katniss out to fend for herself. 

The thought chilled him.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pretty explicit sexual content here, so if that troubles you...skip ahead!*

6

“What? What is it?” 

Katniss knew by Finnick’s reaction even without turning that he knew what was in the envelope. What had been so secretively pushed under the door. His brow furrowed and he looked down at his arms on hers. He didn’t know how to tell her. That in that envelope were the details of how she would spend her third evening in the Capitol. How the things he had done to her may pale in comparison to the things a stranger...or worse, strangers....may do to her. How before long the rest of Panem will whisper about her the way they have always whispered about Finnick. That little by little she will lose pieces of herself to them until the only thing left that’s real would be found in tying a length of rope.

She didn’t wait for an answer, but dropped his arms and moved towards the door, sailing through the room in a swirl of black curls and Finnick’s tee shirt. She grabbed the envelope and gingerly opening it. Two glittering pieces of paper appeared. One black and one red. Finnick took a step towards her and immediately reacted.

“Which is yours?” 

He asked with urgency as she read them over.

“Katniss. I said, which is yours!?”

The panic grew in his voice. Finnick was all too aware of the color code that came along with his nightly requests. He knew they were mostly designed for the prep teams. So that they would know what might be preferred before or after.

Black? A casual dinner date. Formal attire. Beds strewn with rose petals. An older member of the Capitol Elite wanting to feel young and desirable. Often these were gentle people and came with gifts and trinkets...something to help take the sting of guilt out of them.

But the red? The red was something much worse. The last time Finnick had to go out on a call that came by way of a glittering red piece of card stock he had been tied to a wall for nearly 8 hours. Abused, beat at times, shared by more people than he could remember or even knew because at some point he had lost consciousness completely. His heart was pounding in his throat.

Katniss thumbed the black invitation and the lifted it into the air, twirling it slightly. 

“This is me. The Honorable Chairman Hartlesbee.”

Her voice was low as she tried to imagine what she may have to do. Finnick slowly sat back on the bed and heaved a heavy sigh of relief. Katniss was perplexed.

“Why?? Do you know him? Does it matter? It’s all filth. All bullshit. I could just kill him....”

“And then Snow would kill your family. This isn’t the Games, Katniss.”

She stilled at the thought.

“Read the back of the cards.”

Katniss flipped them in her hands and cleared her throat as she read hers, almost mockingly: “requests a floor length evening gown and jewels, hair is to be left down, smell of lilacs and not much makeup.”

“Great. Lilacs”

Katniss tried as best she could to not think ahead to what she may be doing while wearing these things or smelling this way.

“And mine...” Finnick’s voice was low. He didn’t want to hear what it said, but he was also worried about her having to read it.

Katniss immediately furrowed her brow as she turned it in her hands, covering them with red glitter: requests no specific wardrobe other than that it be easily removable. Tribute should be given performance enhancing drugs as multiple guests at a party will be sharing his evening. Aftercare must also be taken to hide or repair any damage to the skin.”

Katniss felt herself fighting back the urge to vomit again. Her fingers shook. Finnick inhaled deeply, his shoulders rising and falling as he looked at her. 

“That’s actually not that bad.”

He tried to smile. He did mean it. He had read much, much worse. Katniss rushed to him and knelt between his legs, resting her hands on them.

“We need to get the hell out of here.” 

Even as she said it, and Finnick tucked her hair behind her ear, his thoughts lost between how she looked in that moment and how she would look that evening, she knew they couldn’t leave. Leaving meant losing everyone they loved. And Peeta and Annie were nearby. They needed to stay strong, and if that meant letting some chairman try to make love to her that’s what it meant. But Finnick. She cursed herself, recalling their first conversation when she all bit called him a slut. How she wished to take it back.

Then reality fell upon her.

“Finnick, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even pretend to be in love with Peeta for the cameras how do I pretend to do this?”

Finnick shrugged as she spoke and his ears buzzed. Pretend to be in love with Peeta.... He tried to calm her, mentoring her through this horrible game just like he would the Quell.

“Nights like this one. When it’s someone who wants you to make them feel loved. Try to remember how that felt before. Sometimes I’ll close my eyes and try to be somewhere or someone else. I try to think of Annie. Of being with her. Of...touching her.”

His eyes land on Katniss and it hits him hard. A gut punch. That in that moment as he stared at her...he wanted her. That he was thinking about being with HER, touching HER. He pulled back sharply, but it was too late. Katniss had seen it in him. And not only that, shared it. 

Shared trauma. They were bound together by it now whether they knew it yet or not. 

“Haymitch is working on getting us out of here. Maybe he will come through. Maybe today.”

Finnick smiled and tried to comfort her.

“And if he can’t.”

Katniss slunk further onto her knees, positioned squarely between Finnick’s on the edge of the bed. Her eyes lightly wet but thinking of Peeta and Annie and all the other families reminded her of her resolve.

“I can do this. If you can do this. I can do this.” She tried to smile as she took a unique opportunity to rib him and he chuckled slightly. It’s a welcome sight. He leaned over her, taking her face in his hands. Her beauty, her innocence, her dedication to her people. He hated every thing about this for her. 

“It won’t always be like this, Katniss. Someday, when we fix all this madness. This? All of this? Will be a distant memory. These people. What they do, what we do. And you’ll find a way to make these things beautiful. With Peeta. With love....” 

Finnick felt himself begin to ramble. But he was trying as hard as he could to give her something to cling to. He had the privilege she didn’t...of knowing what being with someone you love can feel like...should feel like.

Katniss whispered. Finnick glowered slightly. Whatever it was that she said was so soft he couldn’t make it out. He raised her chin to him. She could tell immediately that he didn’t hear her and she choked back a lump in her throat. Swallowing a strange, hard pang in the back of her mouth.

“Show me....”, she whispered, inhaling, “please....”

Finnick felt a chill start at his spine and travel up to the top of his head. Show you? He couldn’t quite make out what to do do next but he knew he couldn’t find the words to say. His heart pounding in his chest so hard he wondered if she could see it. As he watched her, perched between his knees, she reached for the hem of his shirt and untucked it from his pants. She let out a small gasp against her own will. Once she pulled the shirt from his hem, she worked her thumbs into the waistband of his loose fitting pants. Finnick instinctively raised himself off the bed as Katniss gently slid his pants off of his hips and down over his legs. She felt the skin of his thighs get hot and he whispered her name. 

Part of him was desperate to do exactly what she had asked. To show her. What it could be like. The way he wished it would be for her. And suddenly Katniss had the desire to see Finnick as himself. Maybe he could give her something to hold onto if she did, in fact, have to go out into the Capitol alone.

And now he sat there before her, exposed. Vulnerable. Katniss reached for the hem of his shirt, starting with its bottom buttons and working over his chest. As she reached the top, she pushed the fabric open and exposed his tanned skin. Almost glowing and heaving heavily. Finnick took his hands to cup her chin and pulls her face to his. They inhaled each other. Katniss allowed her eyes to flutter closed until Finnick gently requested she open them. 

“No, look at me....”

His voice was husky and deep, fighting to hide his own arousal. He licked his bottom lip and then moves his mouth towards hers. Finnick slowly closed his lips over hers. Realizing only in that moment that with everything he had done to her...he had never kissed her. And he kept his eyes open, ensuring it was severed into his mind. 

She moaned against him and her warm mouth parted slightly. Accepting his kiss and returning it. Their mouths pressed gently against each other’s, exploring and testing before just melting together. Finnick realized that it had been a very long time since he just...felt someone. He loved Annie. Deeply. He cared for her in a way he didn’t think he could care for anyone else. But as Annie’s mental state declined he had become her protector. Her caretaker. The physical aspects of their relationship fell by the wayside. Which had suited Finnick, who struggled to accept what his sexuality meant to him. Who had built a wall Round that part of his life, no longer attaching physical intimacy to love.

But he didn’t want that for Katniss. And if was going to fall deeply in love with Peeta he wanted there to be a day when she could share herself with him. Without the unimaginable baggage that Finnick carried.

They kissed deeply. Passionately. Lost in the safety of that moment and not worrying about what anyone’s intentions may or may not be. Finnick felt himself growing hard and knew that with Katniss positioned between his knees it wouldn’t be long before she saw or felt the changes in the parts of him she had exposed. Her hands were intertwined with his on his lap and without breaking her kiss, even as he slipped his tongue last her panting lips, he took her right hand in his and guided it between his legs.

Katniss didn’t flinch or even pause, instead she coyly wrapped her fingers gently around him. He hissed cool air across her lips as she lifted her fist up before slowly easing it down. Without looking she became transfixed by the feel of him in her hand. She was also aware of being gentle against his skin, imagining that his Capitol lovers didn’t take such care. When she couldn’t take it anymore she eased away from his kiss and rocked back onto her haunches, her hand still working his length and now her eyes transfixed on him. While she had felt him in ways she couldn’t imagine the other night in the bowels of the Capitol. She hadn’t really seen him. In more ways than one.

Katniss began to move her hand faster, adding her free hand to manipulate him faster. Fascinated by how his skin started to glisten, wet under her touch. His head fell back over his shoulders and he leaned back onto his palms. His mouth hung open and his hips began to raise just slightly into her wet grip. She wanted to ask him if she was doing it right. If she was making him feel good. But she didn’t have to. And the idea of just knowing how to manipulate his body naturally excited her. She could feel the heat building in her own center and as she let her legs part slightly beneath her she realized she was as wet as he was.

Katniss was furiously tugging at him now, encouraged by his moans and twitches, his hips now firmly pressing up at her, her name escaping his lips over and over. Finally without warning he pulled himself from her. In a move so sudden it almost frightened her. He slunk away from her and covered himself slightly, catching his breath. She could see his forehead glistening. Katniss rose off of her knees to stand before him at the edge of the bed. In almost the same movement she lifted his shirt up and over her arms, tossing it aside and leaving her naked under his watch. He sat up and placed his hands on her hips. Pulling her towards him. He placed a trail of gentle kisses along the hollow of her stomach, eliciting moans and goosebumps. He let his thumbs travel over her hipbones until the skid down over her groin and finally her hand rested squarely between her legs. He purred softly when he felt how wet she was. Katniss duh her fingers into his mess of sandy blonde hair, mostly to steady herself as her knees went weak. 

“Finnick....” she called out as he pressed his palm hard into her, rocking it back and forth. And then slowly, gently, he eased his middle finger inside of her. She shouted his name and pressed her hips against him, burying his finger inside of her. Finnick moved it expertly deep within her and looked up to watch her face. Her beautiful agony as he pressed his finger deeply in and out of her, feeling her wetness covering his hand. But no matter how much he wanted to move harder and faster into her, he had every intention to keep it slow and gentle. She looked down on him, their eyes meeting as she started moving up and down, riding his hand in a way that was beginning to lack control.

Finnick gently used his thumb to circle her and watched as her eyes rolled back in her head. He applied more pressure, his fingertips pulling her wetness from her and then expertly using it to lubricate the rest of her. She felt a warmth in her belly and her legs shook under her. Finnick gently removed his hand, much to her dismay, and guided her back on the bed. She lay there with her knees hanging open, the cool breeze blowing on her, her hands grasping for him. And he lay his bronzed body next to her, shimmering with sweat and desire.

“This is how it can be, Katniss. How it should be.” He whispered as he stroked her face, “with someone who cares about you. Someone you care about...”

And he meant it. 

“With someone you love.” She corrected him. Did she mean it the way he thought she did? She opened her legs wider to him as she said it and Finnick guided her hand down to her wet, wanting center. He knew that often times, and lucky ones, clients would only want to watch her. 

“Do just like I did.” He whispered, suddenly her mentor. And she listened. Pushing her palm against her own body before placing a finger inside and closing her eyes.

Finnick could hardly contain himself as he watched her, taking his own cock in his hand and gently racing his hand over it as he lay next to her. 

“Please...” she whispered. And not for him to stop. Or to let her stop. But for something much more basic. 

She wanted him. Not Peeta. Not Gale.

Finnick.

He rolled his body onto hers. Trapping her hand between them as she continued to play with herself. She spread her legs and felt his cock lay against her. She whispered his name again. Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he began to enter her. With ease and care. Not like the last time they found themselves thrust together. He pulled her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting his thrust until he was buried inside of her. And with no more movement, she stayed exactly there. He pressed his forehead into hers. Their eyes locked on each other. 

Seering the image into their minds. And hearts.

“Katniss, I...” Finnick was breathless and desperate. He felt her body convulse around him. Her eyes went wide and she clung to him desperately as her mouth hung open. She came under him in waves that she could never have put into words. And seeing her in his arms like like that drew his own orgasm from him effortlessly. He came hard deep inside of her womb. Frozen there, filling her. Throbbing so deeply inside her you couldn’t tell where one of them started and the other stopped. Still locked together, Finnick never took his eyes off of hers, even as he rolled slightly off to her side, still buried within her. She tightened around him one final time and then all but collapsed. She curled into his side and almost immediately began to fall asleep. Her grey eyes still intent on his. 

“I love you.” She whispered as her eyes started to close. “I love you and I’m glad it was you.”

She fell peacefully to sleep in the crook of his arm. She loved him. 

He couldn’t bring his voice to speak. To say it back to her. 

And that was something he would regret forever.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *some a/u happenings here...*

7

“Katniss...Katniss, ya gotta wake up, sweetheart.”

Katniss shifted slightly, her body more exhausted than it had ever been, and tried to curl gently into the form at her side he had drifted off so peacefully in.

But it wasn’t there. 

The realization forced her eyes open. The empty bed. She hit it with her hand and then spun wildly as though she might be in danger. Her arm was caught.

It was Haymitch.

“Hey, hey. It’s me. You’re alright.”

His voice was comforting, but quick and quiet enough that she knew she had to listen.

“We need to get you out of here and we need to do it fast.”

Katniss was alert. This was what they needed. What they had hoped for. What they wanted. They. Where was he?

“Finnick...” she whispered looking around.

There was someone in the bathroom but the room was empty. Was he there? Was he safe?

“He’s fine, Katniss. He’s gone....he...”

He’s gone. He’s gone?

Haymitch continued to quickly explain how they had to get them out separately and that Finnick would have to get to a safe district on foot and with Annie, so he needed the head start. They were getting her out by air to District 13 and they would all regroup later. That it was dangerous but it was the only way. But his words were coming and going like waves. He had just left. No goodbye. 

She thought about how he had made her feel loved, how she had imagined the other parts of that: waking up, holding each other, smiling, sharing breakfast or a shower. But maybe for Finnick it was just his mentoring. Showing her what to do and how to feel. He was, after all, very good at making people believe him. Would she have left him there with no goodbye? She couldn’t imagine it.

“Stay with me, sweetheart. Let’s go.”

Haymitch was staring at her, surely wondering where her mind had gone as he talked. He adjusted the dark stocking cap concealing his long locks, and then dropped his hands to make sure the sheet wrapped her as she slowly rose from the bed, still foggy and trying to focus on the task at hand. Haymitch pointed her to the bathroom and she wandered in that direction, almost unaware of the two people standing masked and armed at the door.

She noticed as she rounded the end of the bed that the clothes Finnick had been wearing before she undressed him were still laying in a pile next to the bed. She felt the first lump rise in her throat and quickly swallowed to choke it back. She did, however, notice Haymitch catch her staring at it and she had to wonder what was going through his mind: finding her naked in Finnick’s bed, his clothes on the floor. Sure that he was still wrapped up in her when Haymitch first arrived. The thought of it made her angry. How could she have slept through the whole ordeal? How could Finnick have moved out from her grip without waking her? He was still inside her when she fell asleep. She bit her lip in both sadness and anger.

She slipped into the large bathroom, immediately closing the door behind her and leaning against it. For a moment she is lost starting at the large black tub before she notices the Avox standing before her. Their eyes met and she recognized her as the trusted friend of Finnick’s she had seen the day before. They shared a brief smile. She didn’t look much different than Katniss. Dark skin and hair, eyes slightly lighter and maybe taller. She was holding an outfit across her outstretched arms. It was identical to the clothes she is wearing, and she was holding it out to Katniss. 

Katniss allowed the sheet she was wearing to fall to the ground as the Avox helped her dress swiftly. Turning her to cover her body in the same red and white cloak and hood that all the servants at the party had been wearing. She tightened it against Katniss’ back as she grabbed her long hair and began to braid it, fixing it tightly up the back of her head, concealing her locks under a hood.

Katniss leaned against the door and tried to breathe deeply to steel her resolve. The Avox tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned to face her. Gently the woman before her raised a hand to cup her face and smile. 

“Thank you. For everything.” Katniss’ voice came with the hitch of a cry and for a moment she wants to hug this stranger for all she has done. The Avox held up a single finger, alerting Katniss to wait a moment. She reached into one of her deep pockets and pulled out something in her closed hand. She opened it and revealed Katniss’ gold Mockingjay pin. She unclasped it and quickly tucked it up under her collar and fixed it to her disguise. Katniss closed her hand over that of the Avox, thanking her again. She held up another finger and dug back into her pocket. As soon as she pulled it out Katniss felt sick. 

It was a long length of rope. With just a few knots tied into one end. The knots Finnick had taught her to tie. The knots she watched him tie endlessly to calm his mind. And a long length of untied rope. The Avox gently placed it in her open hands which were shaking unsteadily but that closed around it tightly, almost hurting her palms against the rough hemp of the rope. And her eyes begin to spill uncontrollably like the ocean tides he loved so much. She wept heartily and all too loudly. 

The Avox closed on her and hugged her, half to quiet her but half to comfort her. It suddenly dawned on Katniss that this girl was helping her escape. At what cost? Was she staying behind in her place? Did she care so deeply for Finnick that she would sacrifice herself to help them? Katniss gripped her tightly before pulling away and wiping her face, pushing the length of rope into her own deep pocket. The two women shared a brief smile and a look of determination. Knowing that this was danger unprecedented. But that they had no other choice and too much was at stake.

Katniss turned and opened the bathroom door, eyeing Haymitch at the door flanked by guards. Katniss scanner the room, for what she wasn’t sure. She looked back at the Avox who stood stoically in the bathroom behind her and tried to smile a goodbye.

“Let’s go Katniss. We don’t have time.” 

She slipped into shoes and followed him quickly. As they eased into the hallway Haymitch reminded Katniss to fold her hands and keep her head down. They shuffled quickly down a mostly empty hallway. Making a few sharp turns. Katniss kept her head down low and couldn’t see a thing. She is pushed and pulled, tucked and dodged, and soon she feels herself rising quickly in an elevator. 

Soon there was the sting of fresh air. She was pushed out into the open and couldn’t help but raise her face into unnatural wind. There was a hovercraft only feet from her, a door open. One guard entered and then the other. Haymitch scanned the roof and then shouted for her to hurry. She looked past the guards in the door and saw him.

Peeta.

Scuttling to the door to get closer to her. He held the side of the craft door and reached a hand for her, soundlessly. 

Katniss reached into her pocket and squeezed the length of Finnick’s rope. She fought back a sob before taking Peeta’s hand with her free one.

No sooner than her feet left the ground, the hover craft raised from the roof and started to move before the door slid closed. Katniss turned and watched the Capitol disappear behind her. She was thinking about Finnick. Somewhere out there. With Annie in tow, trying to get to safety on foot. She looked hard almost hoping she might see him somehow. 

But he is gone. She is gone. She is safe. She twists the rope in her hand and wonders if she will ever see him again. Or if she would even want to.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *super alternate ending alert!*

8

Over two years had passed since the Quarter Quell. Since the entire world, such as it was, had been turned upside down. 

Or was it right side up?

Katniss has settled into her new life. A solitary one. Relatively. Without Prim her life had a hole that she knew would never be filled. And it wasn’t just Prim missing.

The Capitol was brought down relatively swiftly, but not without great cost. 

Gale, racked with the guilt he felt for Prim’s death, had chosen not to return to District 12...and she hadn’t seen him since she did return. 

Peeta had survived but barely, and his leg had deteriorated to a point where walking was too much trouble. He lived in the victor’s village as well, but Katniss only saw him when she would stop by with a week’s worth of food, to admire his latest paintings, and to talk and write the stories of the fallen Capitol and the heroes that had served it.

Haymitch had become her closest friend. They walked daily. He often stayed with her, functioning more like the father she’d lost and giving up the drink for good.

Effie and Joanna were frequent visitors to the district, and stayed in good touch in between. They had become an unforeseen team...working hard to rebuild districts in need, and to be the structure of a new Capitol regime. A fair one. One that allowed Katniss the life she currently enjoyed.

Then there was Finnick. Finnick had never returned to the Capitol. In fact during the rebellion, in his absence, they had assumed that he and Annie had not survived. It tortured her. It would gnaw at her every waking moment: sometimes she was torn apart wondering what had happened to them, sometimes she was angry that he wasn’t there to help her the way he had promised, but most often she was relieved that he wasn’t in danger every minute of every day the way the remaining uprisers were. He deserved that rest.

It wasn’t until after the Capitol fell that Finnick and Annie were discovered. During a run in with Peacekeepers while they made their way to District 4, Finnick had broken his back. He and Annie has barely escaped only to find shelter in a run down cabin where they had managed to stay alive until they were found...weeks after the takeover was complete and a search party was sent out by Joanna...mostly anticipating finding their remains to bury them properly in the Capitol as the heroes they both were.

But that was over two years ago. And he had still never returned. Not to the Capitol and certainly not to District 12 where Katniss decided to settle and live out what remained of a normal life.

Each year, on what would be the Hunger Games, Haymitch and Katniss would host a quiet dinner in the victor’s village. They would invite the survivors. They would honor the memories of their friends. They would embrace. They would vow once again to always protect one another and Panem. Rue’s family had been a constant presence at Katniss’ request. It became a healing process for them and Katniss looked forward to it each year. 

This, the third year anniversary, was no different. Weeks before the events of the weekend Effie would arrive with Joanna in tow. Their odd combination never failing to make Katniss chuckle. Effie would decorate the village. Arrange food and lodging and entertainment. Joanna would sit on Katniss’ front stoop and drink beer, taking it all in. One particularly warm and perfect evening, the night before everyone would arrive, the two friends sat together. Watching Effie in all her glory, listening to musicians play and prepare, all backed by a lovely spring sunset.

“I’m glad we do this” Joanna said, offering her glass to Katniss. They clinked them together and then each took a sip, respectively.

“Me, too. It’s nice to see everyone.” Katniss meant it, but Joanna knew her better than to take her at face value. She took another pull of her drink.

“Well, I mean, not everyone....” Joanna had a way of being just cruel enough to make a person uneasy, but that was just her way. And Katniss welcomed it. She took another drink and then wiped the excess from her lip. 

“Do you hear from him? Anything?”

Katniss herself hadn’t ever tried to reach Finnick. Other than the invitations sent to all tributes that she knew were sent his way as well...which he never responded to. Joanna shrugged and remained silent. Katniss watched her. She had heard from him. Katniss let the moment hang there and then elbowed her...hard.

“Ok, ok. I mean...I don’t hear much. He’s asked about you....” the words washed over Katniss, “Peeta...everyone...you know....”

Katniss nodded along silently.

“Is he....ok?”

Joanna shrugged again, looking off towards the sunset and drinking again.

“I don’t know. I mean. I think so. I think...it was just...a lot...and Annie...”

Joana was grasping for words and not coming clean which was totally out of character for her. It unsettled Katniss.

“What about Annie?”

Katniss asked in a low tone, still so conflicted about how she was supposed to regard Annie. This girl she barely knew.

“She...she won’t speak anymore. She’s...I think she’s lost. I don’t....” Joanna trailed off and took another sip. A long and much needed one, before she finished...turning to Katniss with her signature all-business expression, “he asks about you. That’s why he calls. Or writes. To ask about you.”

“You didn’t tell him about...” Katniss interrupted swiftly, almost spitting her words out. Joanna was already ferociously nodding no before the words were out of Katniss’ mouth.

“No. I promised. A promise is a promise.”

Joanna finished her beer and handed the empty glass to Katniss, standing and stretching before turning back to her as she started to back down the steps.

“Even if it is a BULLSHIT promise cause he deserves to know and you know that.”

Joanna bid a sort of mock bow and winked as she turned to head down the road to the house where she and Effie were staying and Katniss watched her almost skip. She smiled before she was left alone with her thoughts. 

He asked about her. But he wouldn’t come to her. And Annie...poor, sweet, Annie. What did it all mean to her? She could hardly feel bad about keeping secrets from Finnick when his whole life was one big secret to her.

She stood and leaned against the porch, inhaling deeply and looking forward to what the next day would bring. Suddenly her mother was behind her. 

“It’s bed time. You coming?”

Katniss nodded yes, wiping a stray tear from her cheek that had escaped when she wasn’t even aware.


	9. 9

9

Katniss woke to a beautiful morning. A sweet breeze through her windows, the sun shining just right. The sounds of people beginning to gather in the streets. Lilty music filling the air and the sweet smells of all of her favorite foods. She wandered to her window and looked down on the square: there was Peeta, perfectly detailing a table of cookies and cakes from his wheelchair, Effie buzzing around fluffing and foofing anything she could get her hands on (dressed to the nines and then some, of course, but with her natural hair and face which always made Katniss smile.)

Katniss busied herself getting ready. A quick shower, breakfast, a cup of coffee that she carried out of the house. She had worn black, as she always did on these days. Careful to remind herself that while it was a celebration, it was also a memorial for her lost friends. And for Prim. She stood barefoot on her porch. Peeta waved and smiled and she slid shoes on to walk his way. 

“Peeta this looks amazing....”

She smiled, gently fingering his work which had somehow always managed to look even better than before. She rebelled in his company now. It took time for them to figure out what their friendship looked like, but they had managed. And now that he had become content in his paintings and baking she knew she had as little place in his life as he did in hers.

“Here...” he offered, a tiny green bag full of beautifully painted flowered cookies, “her favorites...I promised I’d set some aside for her.”

They smiled at each other as the bag exchanged hands. 

“Thank you. You’re still her favorite.”

Katniss closed her hand of Peeta’s to thank him as there was commotion behind them. Not unusual, as the morning train had arrived not long after Katniss woke high meant the weary travelers would begin trickling in. 

But this felt different. Katniss and Peeta both turned to look. A crowd was forming at the far end of the open gathering are. Past the long tables of food and musicians, past the flowered area for dancing. Katniss sported Joanna standing on the side of the road, watching the crowd move as she did. There weren’t many people but it was enough to conceal whatever was happening.

Joanna became wise first. Her eyes squinted then opened. A sly grin slowly spread across her face eventually turning into a smile...which was rare for her: to show her teeth when it wasn’t to bear them in a rage. Katniss chuckled at the thought.

Joanna turned to Katniss still smiling, before hitching her head in the direction of the commotion and nodding. Then she took off running towards it, pushing her way through the people headed that way to get make sure she got there first. She almost completely took out both Effie and Haymitch, and evening Mrs. Everdeen who had since walked backwards - away from the commotion - to reach an outstretched arm to her daughter.

Katniss took the few steps down off of the porch and walked, curiously and cautiously. Was it Gale? Rue’s father...who had become a local favorite with the children of the District. She saw someone hoist Joanna into the air. She was spinning. Joanna was laughing and smiling and....messing her hands in a perfectly tousled mess of sandy, bronze hair.

Finnick. 

Katniss moved in a fog in his direction. Her ears buzzed and hummed. Her cheeks felt hot. At some point she had lost her coffee mug and for a second she wondered if she had just dropped it. She hadn’t seen him in almost three years, but she had seen him every day. And as she looked at him every single solitary emotion he had ever made her feel flooded over her: hate, love, fear, confusion, wonder, lust, sadness, loss.

Finnick was gently easing Joanna to the ground. He hadn’t changed. Or had he? Still the same mop of beach worn hair, atop a tanned face with glowing eyes and a winning smile. His frame had changed but only slightly, and Katniss could tell by the color of his skin that he spent his days in the water and sand. 

As he sat Joanna down, they shared a rich, warm smile...just before she punched him square in the gut.

“Three fucking years, asshole. You’re lucky I like you or I’d have to kill you.”

Finnick chuckled and reached over his shoulder to adjust the pack that hung there. His eyes are scanning the crowd earnestly until they met hers. Katniss had stopped moving, frozen in her tracks. Finnick straightened himself as their eyes locked and they stood there, frozen in time, for what felt like an eternity.

Slowly he walked towards her and the crowd that had gathered seemed to part as if they knew. And they did know. This was Finnick Odair. The tribute who had fought bravely alongside Katniss, who had saved her life and Peeta’s, who was singlehandedly responsible for bringing them both home safe. Who had risked his life to get Annie Cresta back to her home, who helped Katniss escape the Capitol. But they didn’t know this was the same Finnick Odair who somehow, at some point during all of the madness of the Quell and the takeover, had founded something much, much deeper.

He walked by Haymitch, who reached for him and lay a hand on his shoulder as he passed. The two shared a quick smile and nod, but knew that their time to catch up would come. Haymitch was, after all, the only other person who knew what had happened between them. It calmed Finnick to see joy in his face and not disappointment. If anyone knew the struggles of coming back from the Games it was Haymitch, and they shared a knowing glance of appreciation. 

Finnick turned back to Katniss, now only feet away from her. Both of their hearts pounding, aching. But neither sure how to break the wall that had silently been built between them. The goodbye that had never been said, the question that had never been answered. Finnick took a couple steps towards her and broke the unbearable silence.

“Hi.” 

He whispered. Hi. That was all he could manage. No flirty sugar cubes and no dramatic apology. Just...hi. The simplicity of it and the warmth on his face tore into Katniss and opened up things she had managed to tuck neatly away for years. She wasn’t sure if she fell into his arms or flung there, but within a moment that’s where she was. He wrapped her as tightly as he ever had and she melted against his chest clawing at his back as if she had only just discovered that he was alive. The friends and onlookers that surrounded them cheered, most cried, all celebrated. Whatever it was that had kept Finnick away didn’t matter anymore. He was there. And although District 12 was not his home, it suddenly felt like it. 

They embraced for longer than they should have, unsure of what else would need to be said between them and content to just enjoy the ease of this moment. Finnick gently kissed the top of her head. They were so lost in their reunion that they hadn’t noticed Haymitch slip away and into Katniss’ house, the door still open from when she ran from it.

Joanna approached them, placing her arm gently on Katniss’ arm and nodding to her as she lifted her eyes to look at her. Joanna gestured to her left and looked towards Katniss’ home. 

Haymitch was emerging from the door, carrying in his arms the tiny body of a toddler girl. She bounced on his hip, curling her fingers in Haymitch’s locks as they laughed and shared a joke. He bounded down the steps and then stopped to meet Katniss’ gaze...unsure if he had her permission to keep approaching. She had turned from Finnick to face Haymitch, their fingers still entwined. Katniss took a deep breath and nodded slowly in approval. She smiled at Haymitch and then at the beautiful girl in his arms. 

Haymitch eased her down his side and she stood there, holding his hand as they walked towards Katniss. Her mother.

Katniss knelt, and the girl slowly dropped Haymitch’s hand and trotted slowly toward the gathered crowd...a crowd that again stepped back. Effie was crying openly now just as the girl passed her, and knowing her well...stopped to hug her hard about her legs. She patted her head gently and looked towards Katniss, smiling. 

Finnick’s eyes had narrowed on this girl. The only unfamiliar face he had seen since departing the train. 

Only she wasn’t unfamiliar. Not at all. 

And in the same way that Katniss had never had to answer to anyone about the father of her child, she wouldn’t have to tell Finnick either. Her cascading waves of charcoal black curls swam around a suntanned frame and her eyes sparkled in the sun as she walked towards them. A sparkling gold and green and blue that glistened and gleamed as they looked right past Katniss and into Finnick as if somehow this little girl...just knew.

She finally approached her mother and reached for her hand for assurance, although she never took her eyes off the tall, lean stranger in front of her. Finnick studied her for a moment. She pawed lazily at Katniss with one hand, and in her other hand she dangled something he could only just see. A toy of some kind. He let his pack slide off of his shoulder and then took a knee, resting his elbow on his crouching leg to see eye to eye with this curious young girl who couldn’t stop looking at him anymore than he could stop looking at her. 

“Hi.” He said. Only the second word he had muttered since arriving and the same one he had delivered almost shyly to Katniss, “I’m Finnick.”

She smiled and giggled as he talked as if his name was funny to her. 

“Hi Finnick.” Her voice was like a squeal, girlish and playful and with the lisp of someone still mastering the language, but she raged full of mystery and trouble the way both of her parents did. It charmed him. But it didn’t prepare him for what she said next.

“I’m Mags.” She said as she dropped Katniss’ hand and reached to shake Finnick’s. Her hand hung in the air for a moment as Finnick felt his heart rate increase and his breath roll like thunder from his nose. His lip quivered slightly and then he took her hand to shake it, unable to let go once he took it. 

“It’s ok” she whispered. This three year old child was somehow comforting him, how could she know he needed it. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Finnick blinked off a tear or two and lowered his eyes, catching a glimpse of what hung in her free hand.

Rope.

He touched it lightly, running a finger over its knots.

“Did you make these?” He asked her, with great interest...making little Mags perk up with pride. 

“Yes...” she giggled as she twirled the rope, “bowline...reef knot....clove hitch...cmon, I’ll teach you!” 

Her eyes lit up as she rattled off knot names and then all but caught fire at the idea of being able to teach Finnick. She spun on her heels and ran back to her house, stopping on the way to turn and wave him along...making sure he was following in tow. Finnick stood and grabbed his pack, flinging it over his shoulder before his eyes fell back on Katniss. 

How could he now have known? 

The crowd had begun to move back to it’s reveling, often patting one or both of them on the arm or shoulder as they left. 

“I....I don’t know what to say....”

Finnick struggled to find the words. Katniss saved him for a change.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

His mind raced with all the things she would have had to do alone. With how many opportunities he had missed to see her or reach out to her. But then again, so had she. 

“I should have been here...I should have found a way...”

“You’re here now.”

Katniss interrupted him graciously once more and reached for his hand. He hesitated for a moment before taking it, following her lead as they walked slowly in the trail of a bouncing young girl who had no idea the complicated relationship her parents had had....and were about to continue having.


	10. 10

10

The next two days passed in a blur. Days of games and running through fields and more food than anyone would ever need to eat. The nights were filled with music and fire and yelling the stories of the friends they had lost. It was healing to talk about them in ways that brought laughter as well as tears. Through the revel and celebrating, Katniss and Finnick would often share knowing glances and smiles. Both wishing they would freeze these moments in time. 

Young Mags spent hours “teaching” Finnick how to tie knots (he taught her a few as well), she laughed as Peeta tried to teach him how to ice cookies...even smearing his face with icing as he failed miserably at it, she rode his broad shoulders around town, and they shared stories of Mags: Finnick’s mentor and best friend whom she had been named after. Katniss often just trailing beside them, enjoying the moments she had dreamed of for so long unfolding perfectly before her eyes.

The first night Finnick had stayed...in the room just down the hall from Katniss and Mags, who shared a room, Katniss had lie awake thinking of him alone down the hall. As she lay, stroking Mags hair as she fell asleep, she saw the handle of her door twist as though someone was coming in. But it twisted slightly and then returned. Never opening.

This, the second night of his stay, they had shared tea at the kitchen table long after everyone else was asleep. They shared stories of what had happened in the hours and days after they had been separated. And after many hours...Finnick allowed himself to talk about Annie.

After his injury in the woods, fleeing the Capitol, she had stopped talking completely. Finnick had been near death, hiding in a cabin, with a girl who either rocked in fetal position or tucked herself into his aching sides murmuring to herself about dying. And after their rescues there was no medicine or help for her. Finnick returned with her to District 4, moving them into a house by the shore in the hopes that the peace of the beach and open sea would help her return. It didn’t. She sat there daily. Staring. He dressed and fed and cared for her, even in the terrible moments when something would jar a memory that would send her into unexplainable frenzy. Those times of frenzy included any time that Finnick would leave her. It got to a point where Finnick would have to sedate her with tea so that he could fish to feed them. Katniss’ eyes welled as she listened to him speak. Knowing he had needed to for years. Knowing that Finnick would never be able to give up this love for her that had become his penance. Knowing now why he had never come back, and why he would have struggled to explain that decision to her. She rested a gentle hand on his, noticing he had torn a napkin on the table and was tainting it into knots.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

She whispered and he lifted his head from their fixed spot on his hands to reply.

“There’s a lot we didn’t know.” His voice was heavy with sadness and guilt, but they nodded in mutual understanding as he turned his closed fist upward to take a hold of her hand and squeeze it. They took each other in and let a silent understanding wash over them before Finnick slightly backed his chair up and eased himself to standing with a sleek stretch.

“I should probably get some sleep.”

Katniss stood to join him, pushing her chair in.

“Yes, no telling what adventures Mags has in store for you tomorrow” she laughed as she spoke, knowing that Finnick’s day had been spent running after her, tending to her every whim, stopping only for a brief nap together on a hammock that hung behind Katniss’ house. But the levity in her voice left as she watched him stop in the kitchen door, leaning on the door jamb as he brushed a tuft of blonde hair from over his brow.

“I leave in the morning, Katniss.”

His voice was sad. And the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees. Katniss ached. She knew he hadn’t planned to stay long by the size of the pack he arrived with but two days?!

“What do you mean you are leaving?”

Her voice was hushed but only because their daughter slept just up an open flight of stairs. She wanted to scream. He turned to her, defeated, like he didn’t want to say it anymore than she wanted to hear it.

“Katniss, I have to.” He started, expecting her to interrupt, but she didn’t. He was silent for a moment, trying to think of a way to make her understand, “I have to. She needs me. She would do it for me, just like Peeta would do it for you. And you would do it for Peeta...I...she needs me.”

He was talking himself into it as much as her.

“There’s a little girl upstairs who needs you, too.”

Katniss hissed at him fighting as hard as she could to keep her voice down. He stared at her. The little girl that needed him. Not the one standing in front of him, she would never be able to admit that she needed him, too. Finnick stared at her for a minute, deflated and wordless, before turning to head up the stairs. He knew as well as she did that the introduction of Mags into this situation changed his ability to think about it in only one way. His shoulders slumped, heavy with tension, at the thought of leaving either of them.

“Bring her here, Finnick.” Katniss’ voice was louder now. Almost a shout. Suddenly feeling like it was worth waking Mags if it mean convincing her father not to leave her. She saw him stop, grip the bannister with his tight fist. He had heard her. But he didn’t turn. He walked slowly up the stairs and she stood motionless until she heard the turn of the door as he shut it.

She melted back into the chair he had just been in, fondled the torn strip of napkin he had been weaving, and wept.


	11. 11. The Epilogue.

11...The Epilogue

Katniss finally willed herself upstairs. She washed her face. Staring at the blank expression before her. She slipped into night clothes and braided her hair over her shoulder to sleep. Katniss eased herself gently into bed, careful not to wake the sleeping girl with a braid identical to hers: sea green eyes closed and tiny mouth parted in sleep. 

Katniss curled into Mags who tucked neatly into her mother’s side even in her sleep. She knew that sleep wouldn’t come so instead she twirled her fingers in the braid of Mags’ hair, finding peace watching her sleep as she so often did.

Her senses were alerted when she heard the slight click and twist of the dark golden handle of her bedroom door. She watched it turn only slightly and then right itself. She held her breath, listening for footsteps. No sound.

What seemed liked minutes later, the handle turned again and this time...pushed open. She saw his golden hair before she saw his face. Finnick slipped effortlessly into her room. Shirtless, his white pants slung loosely on his hips and a beaded rope necklace that Mags has knotted him around his neck. Katniss attempted a slight smile.

She mouthed the word hi. And Finnick did the same. He padded gently towards the bed, careful not to wake Mags as he gently pulled back the deep blue comforter and slid underneath it. He kept only a modest amount of space between them and as if she felt his presence, Mags stretched and turned into she was curled into Finnick’s side. Her tiny arm draped over him and her fingers sleepily found the necklace she had made him. He smiled, watching her sleep.

Katniss mirrored her turn, closing her body around from behind her, leaving just enough space for the sleeping child between her and Finnick. Without talking he moved his head against the pillow to reach her and softly pressed his lips to her. It was gentle at first. Almost reverent. But as Katniss met his kiss, and his tongue soon found it’s way past her lips, they both knew that had they not been wrapped around a child it would have very soon progressed to something more.

They separated, breathlessly. Finnick played at Mags hair before reaching up and mirroring his motions with the strands of hair on Katniss’ face. 

“I love you. Whatever else happens. I’ve needed you to know that for three years. I knew it the first time I saw you. And I need you to know it now.” 

Finnick’s green eyes were classy and filled with raw emotion his very rarely let show.

“I love you too, “ Katniss responded instantly a voice that almost wouldn’t come and then she cleared her throat to be even more vulnerable, “and I need, you too.”

The three of them, curled together, drifted off to sleep easily. A rare gift for both Katniss and Finnick. Their three bodies locked together like an unbreakable puzzle. Cozy warm, safe and protected, and ready to face a new chapter of the incredible story that had become their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *well there it is! What do you think happened? Does he stay? Does he go? Does Katniss convince him to bring Annie to join the happy family?? 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! Leave feedback and let me know if there are any other Kat/Finn stories you are dying for! Thanks for reading!*


End file.
